Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
