So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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