So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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