I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
