I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
