You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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