What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
