Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
