Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
