I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
That's intense
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
