question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
