he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
