well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
