i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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