fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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