The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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