And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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