Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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