i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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