every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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