I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
