ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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