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oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Oh god it's open bar.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
