Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
