Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
This gyro tastes like lonliness
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
