you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
