I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
