He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
