I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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