Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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