Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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