remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
