He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
