Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i believe in u and ur pee
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
