dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
