will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
