Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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