so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
In other news, I just burned my penis
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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