When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
