I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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