you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
