if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
True strength comes from lack of pants
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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