I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
