I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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