You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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