you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
