She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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