If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
