she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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