We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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