phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Can I color on your dick again?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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