Heybabeimwearingurpanties
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
